UNREQUITED LOVE

Posted: May 28, 2016 in Blog, longreads, Poem
Tags: , , , , , ,

In the previous days before getting here, there was no heightened feelings, rapid blinks, bloated head and fast paced pulses. I was completely light, flexible and free.

Now I am in this confined space where I gasp for air and yearn for the open space, light, polluted domes, synthetic hearts, and dusty atmosphere.

I need something that someone can give but someone else has, it is unfair yet fair; the latter being her and the former being me. If it were a reverse I would still be engulfed by this cocoon of discomfort because I would cause a rift that could have been avoided if I had tampered with my oestrogen levels.

This time of my journey in a world that seems realistic yet unrealistic-never mind…sometimes I have the tendency to be nihilistic but then I do believe in the Creator so I wouldn’t let that nature take the greater part of me thereby causing Him to cut the tight thread I am fighting so hard to hold on to- is so hard to avoid, I cannot possibly commit the cowardly act of running away?

I need to stay and fight, break through, tear down, plant explosive devices and clean up the carcass that will be my blood machine.

Such deceit that my intricate organ plays on itself. Such a pity that it is in my cranium and the other that decides to act the fool probably because it is suffocated by layers of pigment, fat, cartilage, bone or tied down by a network of long thin tubes.

They never let my decisions be the final word instead, they bounce and thrust, shove and burst until the ache comes causing my pores to expand and water, making me see little round circular rainbows, turning my optical vision into a microscope, even worse in sleep it is open and sees more images from my organ, such trickery that is mastered it does succeed in making me give in to irrational thoughts often deluding myself of reality. It pushes, the fool pushes, such painful jabs to my chest, it does not like to be ignored but I prefer deceit not foolishness so endurance might take the place of my name.

I had no idea that there was another enemy that crossed all negative adjectives and became smart, it is often underestimated and because of this it is given time to develop and concoct a series of curved and straight lines.

It makes allies with the pharynx and epiglottis then attacks in such a way that is rather invisible but later becomes so transparent giving its victim a tendency for insanity, suicidal thoughts and a qualifier for electromagnetic shocks.

In the event that on this day I should spill my guts to the one who tainted it, don’t put me in a coffin because that would be an insult to me.

I want exposure. Should I decay, leave me be in my disintegration because all I have done is give excuses for the very innocent parts that I control but mostly because I finally have what I need that I didn’t really give thought to wanting since my wanting wanted something else that would have caused massive destruction and made me deny my birthright.

MiniMe is back and she decided to make her entry quite “grand”!

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