DEAR X-FRIEND

 

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Pexels.com

I am sorry I told you and only you my secrets,

I am sorry I was selfless towards you,

I am sorry I put you before others,

I am sorry I that you were the most important person to me outside my family,

I am sorry I always understood you,

I am sorry I always stood up for you,

I am sorry to have made a difference in your life,

I am sorry I made you a stronger person than you were,

I am sorry I gave you reasons to never hate me…until now.

THE ENEMY WITHIN ME

“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer”…

The enemy is already close!

In fact, it is within me,

The enemy within me always has a voice,

Constantly judging, questioning, doubting,

It never stops telling me how untalented I am,

How I will never achieve my goals because of that never-ending ticking,

How insignificant I am among the multitudes,

How unlucky I am because of my birthplace,

How unattractive I am because of my spots.

When bad habits surface, it is conveniently positive.

It finally gives me space and room to breathe

So much so that I want to always be in that place,

A place that might seal  my…no…that WILL seal my fate.

The enemy within me…

Is that enemy really within me or is the enemy me?

Rhetorical…

It is obvious what the answer to that is.

 

A Eulogy for Penny

This was saved in my draft and I read and re-read but I can’t remember what I was writing about.

I  must deal with the fact that one day I will have to let you go. That I will leave you dry, cold, dusty and alone. That your home will be in the attic or basement inside  boxes blanketed in spider webs.

The irony of loving you completely and irrevocably but still abandoning you is difficult for my mind to process.

At this point, thought completely exceeds me because everything is moving at a rapid pace. There are so many external forces made of steel, light and wires that are beyond my control.

My body loves being pampered even if it will lead to some form of paralysis, it does not care so much.

Your memories will always be with me though. I will still remember how it felt to hold you and keep you warm.

I will always remember that giddy feeling when you voiced my thoughts with your scratchy accent.

You are the only one who knows and keeps my secrets. I will always love you for being my companion, my closest friend and ally.

It is sad that you will be kept in a transparent glass box for all to see and that your impact and importance will be forgotten as the next few generations pass on… into the void.

Goodbye my trustworthy lover.

UNREQUITED LOVE

In the previous days before getting here, there was no heightened feelings, rapid blinks, bloated head and fast paced pulses. I was completely light, flexible and free.

Now I am in this confined space where I gasp for air and yearn for the open space, light, polluted domes, synthetic hearts, and dusty atmosphere.

I need something that someone can give but someone else has, it is unfair yet fair; the latter being her and the former being me. If it were a reverse I would still be engulfed by this cocoon of discomfort because I would cause a rift that could have been avoided if I had tampered with my oestrogen levels.

This time of my journey in a world that seems realistic yet unrealistic-never mind…sometimes I have the tendency to be nihilistic but then I do believe in the Creator so I wouldn’t let that nature take the greater part of me thereby causing Him to cut the tight thread I am fighting so hard to hold on to- is so hard to avoid, I cannot possibly commit the cowardly act of running away?

I need to stay and fight, break through, tear down, plant explosive devices and clean up the carcass that will be my blood machine.

Such deceit that my intricate organ plays on itself. Such a pity that it is in my cranium and the other that decides to act the fool probably because it is suffocated by layers of pigment, fat, cartilage, bone or tied down by a network of long thin tubes.

They never let my decisions be the final word instead, they bounce and thrust, shove and burst until the ache comes causing my pores to expand and water, making me see little round circular rainbows, turning my optical vision into a microscope, even worse in sleep it is open and sees more images from my organ, such trickery that is mastered it does succeed in making me give in to irrational thoughts often deluding myself of reality. It pushes, the fool pushes, such painful jabs to my chest, it does not like to be ignored but I prefer deceit not foolishness so endurance might take the place of my name.

I had no idea that there was another enemy that crossed all negative adjectives and became smart, it is often underestimated and because of this it is given time to develop and concoct a series of curved and straight lines.

It makes allies with the pharynx and epiglottis then attacks in such a way that is rather invisible but later becomes so transparent giving its victim a tendency for insanity, suicidal thoughts and a qualifier for electromagnetic shocks.

In the event that on this day I should spill my guts to the one who tainted it, don’t put me in a coffin because that would be an insult to me.

I want exposure. Should I decay, leave me be in my disintegration because all I have done is give excuses for the very innocent parts that I control but mostly because I finally have what I need that I didn’t really give thought to wanting since my wanting wanted something else that would have caused massive destruction and made me deny my birthright.

MiniMe is back and she decided to make her entry quite “grand”!

A FILLER: NIGERIA’S STRENGTH (POEM)

She was born pure,

She grew beautifully and gracefully.

Her pulse, a steady rythm

She shone in all her glory.

 Then it came.

The plagues!

It shook her core

The corruption, our pollution

The violence, our vile nature

Took her innocence away

Rocked her foundation

She was loosing her strength

She cried from the pain

The loneliness

Her slain inhabitants

Her neighbours, whom she loves, crossed her borders

Abused her trust and

Killed her children

Her tears, a rainfall

Despite the dealt dead blows from her people and

those next to her

Their ungratefulness,

Their betrayal,

She still stands.

As the fury of adversity blows with such ferociousness,

She leans like a palm tree during a Hurricane storm

But she never gets uprooted

She is a warrior

She is fierce

She is a survivor

She is my hope

She is my future

My feet may leave her,

but one thing is for sure,

.

I will always find my way back to her shores

I AM PROUDLY NIGERIAN

 Many thanks to Passion through Poetry (movingtowardsthelight.com) for inspiring me. You made me discover a hidden talent.

PICTURES: Nigerianembassy.nu, Overafrica.org, theguardian.com, csmonitor.com, buzznigeria.com, nigerianprofessional.com, nytimes.com, telegraph.co.uk, angelabey.com.